Today, reminded me of my childhood days.  The day went very slowly and peacefully.  The beautiful weather and immobility of limbs due to fever has helped me a lot to relax. I said to myself, yes I have slowed down.  All these years I was just whirling like the wind, my life had become so hectic that I forgot to see and enjoy the smallest things in life. All my decisions were very bold.  I was stubborn and never agreed to take a back step.  Always forward looking and believed in being engaged in multiple things all the time.  At a time, I worked on multiple projects though each project was different in its approach and was from a different sector. I had targets and goals to achieve.  I never said no to any work.   I could work for 18 hours a day. Be it the most important personal engagement, I found very little time as these were viewed as trivial. I am doing something big was my outlook. Despite, this go-get it outlook, I experienced both satisfaction and dissatisfaction at the same time. I was enforcing myself to be happy all the time.   When I do the work myself I had a sense of achievement.  But on the other hand, when I shared the work with my colleagues I used to feel frustrated and would rework on the whole project again.  I used to get a bit agitated.  My expectations were very different and I was assuming my ideas to be very superior.  I could get done only repetitive jobs more successfully through others and nothing related to the final output and deliverables.  Now I understand how small others would have felt seeing my agitation. 
By being busy I missed out on many joys.  I was feeling pressure from my children for small things though they were not so demanding.  I missed visiting my dad during the most crucial moments.  I kept on complaining on the demands on my time.  I never hesitated to get up in the midnight and attempted to write reports.  What did I achieve finally?  I did not make huge money, nor I earned the goodwill of my colleagues nor I got great appreciation from my clients.  While I focused more on deliverables, I let lose finances.  This resulted in much losses.  Vendor payments got piled up.  It had become harder to recover from them.  I had to borrow loans to meet my daily expenditure.  Being obsessed with quality, did not allow me to look at the operations part.

With all these I never felt I lost track. I still had justification to do what I am doing. Even now, I don’t regret on my attitude. May be I am more protective of my self-esteem.  Even now I have a tendency to rush and do many things at a time.  One of my teachers said, you can do multitasking but you cannot work with muti-focus.   I still don’t know.  When health hit badly, I had no other alternative than to go at a pace slower than my regimental style. But accepting to take a shift in the thinking and the style was no easy.  I had to slow down.  I had to make proper choice in the projects I took. The brakes were applied not at once. It had happened over the last quarter.  I feel more relaxed now.  I have taken things as they come. I now feel I am in the flow.  Finding more happiness in everything in life and in every relationship.