A Relationship with Oneself

Relationships are like a book. It takes a few seconds to burn but it takes years to write. So write it with tender , love, and care and never let it burn. –  Love is the nourishment that every soul starves and cherishes. When we talk about the art of nourishing oneself with love; Osho says that there is no art involved as there is no effort.The more you love and care for oneself, it multiplies manifold.You have that magical aura around you, which radiates from your inner being and you disperse it to others. Here I must confess that in leading “cookie cutter” lives we have forgotten to love ourselves. We have forgotten that we are the authors of our own treatises, every new chapter committed to paper (life) with connotations of love and care.


Our conditioning often determines how we perceive ourselves, making us forget that every individual is special. I grew up in a family where everyone was fair-skinned, had brown eyes, curly hair accompanied with slim figures. I did inherit the first three traits but when it came to the last one, I found myself a bit on the plumper side, my teen years saw my weight burgeoning and my confidence dwindling as I became a subject of ridicule among my batchmates, peers and so-called family friends and relatives. The new-fangled label for me was ‘fat’.This was appended with a new fear “Who will marry a plump girl ?” .In those days (read 20 long years ago ), the agenda in India was to find a suitable groom soon after graduation, the advent of the ‘marriageable age’. With the help of little medical intervention, a hormonal problem was diagnosed and I gained a trim figure minus those extra curves, fit enough to be a “trophy wife “. In the process, my magnificence, my feeling of self-worth diminished. A teenager who could have radiated and spread love and care wallowed in low self-esteem owing to few extra pounds here and there.

Acquiring New Eyes

A new insight into oneself The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. Seeing oneself in a new perspective requires a lot of grit and determination, you have to walk that extra mile to bring out your innate goodness. When we love ourselves, we have to keep in mind that it’s an infinite, ongoing process. Tell yourself daily that you are a beautiful soul at every moment in time. This is the reason I have found the most ordinary looking women walking away winning beauty pageants, average performing students in their school and college years becoming the most successful bankers, lawyers excelling in their chosen profession. The reason is they believed in themselves, were aware of their strengths and weaknesses and used this knowledge to go ahead in life.

Here I have listed a few pointers which will help you to come a bit closer to your real self :

Silence Your Inner Critic

Our society has foisted us with constraints, imposing us with mandates of being the perfect doting mother, the loving wife, the dutiful, abiding daughter in law. These stereotypes tend to dominate all our relations whether fraternal bonds or romantic liaisons, hounding us with thoughts like “Am I doing enough “, “Am I doing the best “.

It also leads to a pressure cooker kind of situation, you are waiting for the whistle to go off any moment. Take the pressure off, take care of yourself and pay that extra bit of attention to your desires and needs. You need not take up one activity after another, attack your hobbies like an agenda, zip through your exercise routine like a zombie.

For a change it’s ok to sit on the sofa , munching  on a bag of sinful calorie ridden ‘ Lays’ binge-watch “Suits” or “Narcos” on Netflix , your hair oiled with that hibiscus oil which your “Maa” has lovingly concocted adding all those Ayurveda ingredients like jaswand(hibiscus), henna, methi (fenugreek),awala.Its ‘ok’ to let yourself go once in a while, miss your Zumba routine the next morning as you partied hard with your girl gang the previous night, read and gossip about the latest Twinkle Khanna tweets and trolls, be the master of your own time without putting yourself on a guilt trip.

Cherish Thyself

Inhale piety at bedtime, adopt a  ‘no technology’, no ‘social media’ mantra an hour before you retire for the day.Develop new routines, connect with the divine, focus inwards, chant a few mantras, journal your thoughts, emotions and channelize them into a sea of positivity. Let the white light bathe you and you will no longer find life’s journey to be fearsome, burdensome affair. Dedicate your life to the new you.Look no further as the answers are within you. Go fall more and more in love with your perfectly imperfect self.

Indulge  in some “Me Time

Sometimes the people around you drain you, even your near and dear ones with their unending demands on your time and energy, end the toxicity in your life by indulging in some ‘Me Time’. Take an all girls holiday, book yourself a detox spa retreat in the Himalayas, shop till you drop indulge in some retail therapy.Listen to your inner voice, take charge of your life, for it is ‘you’, who is important.


The past is gone, put it behind you, the future is far; let it not scare you, it is the present that is important, focus on it. Our fast-paced lives laced with cut-throat competition and goal setting leaves no time for time for social interaction. You should carry your happiness with you, where you go be it your workplace or social platform. A happy relationship with oneself which involves believing in your worth, adds a magical aura, taking you a long long way. So speak up, allow yourself to be seen, known, heard, praise and honor yourself for all the right things done, right decisions taken.

“You are the best investment you can make, when you love yourself you love the world because all the world needs is a little bit of love and cheer.”

Tanishq Dedhia

Aparna Dedhia, from Mumbai .She is a textile designer, writer for travel sites, blogs and is a ghost writer. Her main interests lies in connecting with people and giving life to their emotions through her writing.


Rohit Gehani Posted on9:18 am - Dec 27, 2017

Nice n crisp

    Tanishq Dedhia
    Aparna Posted on10:31 am - Dec 27, 2017


Sulekha Posted on2:52 pm - Feb 6, 2018

Dear Aparna, the very first sentence is the highlight of this piece which conveys a subtle message that conversations with self can make or mar our moments of meaning. Well said that It takes seconds to burn a book and years to write one. You have the ability to simplify every complex conversation. All the best.

Rajat Soni
Rajat Soni Posted on8:16 am - Feb 8, 2018

Being a Youth Leadership Coach, I see a lot of teenagers concerned with similar concerns. If they can understand they need to be their own best friend and love themselves, they can attract people whom they want to. Wonderful Article Aparna!

Leave a Reply

Show Buttons
Hide Buttons
%d bloggers like this: