- ‘Father is first hero for his son and first love for his daughter.’ ‘Every woman may not be queen for her husband but she is always a princess to her father.’ ‘No one in this world can love a girl more than her father.’
The Villain :
Above are few quotes about father-daughter relationship. Is it really true for all the daughters, especially in Indian society? I have witnessed several bitter relationships between father and daughter. Seen father beating his daughter, heard about fathers marrying their daughters without knowing whether they are ready for marriage or the groom is really suitable for her, in news papers read about father raping his daughter for several years. I saw the father beating his daughter in public place!
I used to ask a question to self that is every daughter is princess of his father or father is first love for all daughters? I always got negative answer for the question! I have born in a very small and conservative place of our country. The place, where daughters are never welcomed as a child and clear gender discrimination is always there; it is visible in every action of parents of people in society. Daughters are always treated as a responsibility and father wanted to get rid of that responsibility at any cost. In movie Dangal, a friend of the heroine described really well about the father. That is the picture of a father in most of the places of our country. Daughters always need permission from their father for doing anything and father only decides what is good for her or what is not. Am I looking to the negative side only? No! This is the fact we can’t deny. In our society there is always a gap between father and daughter. In very few cases father is friend of a daughter, really cares for his girl child and concerned about her feelings.
Then always I asked a question to self, ‘What about my relationship with my father?’ Whenever I used to ask this question, I thought that I am the most unfortunate daughter. Because of my father I couldn’t become singer as he was totally against of singing by girl. That grudge was in mind till few years back. He always discriminated between siblings based on our gender and my brothers were always given importance than my sisters. I was scared of him as he was really a short tempered person. When I used to read or watch the interviews of women who used say that their father supported them, I always felt sad about myself as I thought my father never supported me. Because of this nature of his, I became rebellion! I did so many things against his wish. In movie Dangal only, father of the heroine is second kind of father who cares for his daughters, cares for their bringing up and he wanted to make them independent. I always thought that why my father is not like this?
As I grown up, realized that he is a victim of the society. He was more concern about the society than his daughters. I think he never had courage to go against the society. Does it mean he loves me not? NO. I know, he loves me a lot! He never showed his love to his daughters. From the moment I realized that, I am always ready to go any extent to please him!
How I can forget that he taught me to identify the crops in the field while we were going for morning walk, he taught me to categorize the grains. He was my second teacher (first is my mother) When I was in school, during the vacations, he used to teach me the syllabus for next year so I had always been one step ahead of other students. In college, He taught me the subject Book Keeping & Accountancy (though I chosen Commerce against his wish) so amazingly that I was the only student who used to get hundred percent marks in the subject and others were jealous about the same. Because of him only I completed my graduation at the age of 18 and got through competitive exam in first attempt and got employed with renowned organization at 19!
I never can forget that though he was against my singing, he never stopped me to listen music/songs or to watch the movies rather he used to tell me to go for the movie which he liked. Because of him only I developed interest in reading and read thousands of books. He was a really good in administration. His knowledge about history and his memory is tremendous. Watching historical places with him is really a treat for us as history of those places is by heart to him and on his tip of the tongue.
Why I was thinking him as a villain in my life? As few negative things (according to me) happened and I used to feel I do not have any liberty to do whatever I love to do. But because of those negative things only I am who I am! Gender discrimination or negligence (I thought I was neglected) from my parents particularly by father given me strength to fight with every damn odd and gave me courage to stand with high head in any adverse situation.
Most of the daughters must be thinking like me that they are in prison or they are not empowered or their father doesn’t care about them! Is it really a truth? We never ever tried to understand our father. Reasons could be-
- Father never shows/express his emotions or love to his daughter.
- There is no tow way communication between father and daughter.
- Daughters are taught that they have to respect their parents and never raise their voice against their parents particularly against their father. It has never been taught that properly communicating with the parents does not mean raising voice against the parents.
- We assume most of the things. Never try to find out the truth/reason behind father’s behavior.
It is not the case that daughters don’t love their father or vis-à-vis but communication gap, generation gap or gap due to cultural influence their relation has some issues those can be sorted out. To strengthen father daughter relationship rapport / communication between both of them has to improve. *
Daughter of the father:
It says that a son who looks like his mother and a daughter looks like her father is lucky. I am ditto copy of my father. Not only in looks but also in qualities too! I was short tempered like him. As per my mom, I am the volcano taken birth from the ice (she is really like an ice and extreme opposite to my father)! Like my father I am a good administrator.
I cannot resist myself mentioning here about one instance. My father sent me a sari through my brother. Blouse piece for the same was so perfectly matching that I was amazed with the perfection (I was the perfectionist! Like my father……!!). I said to my brother, “How he can select perfect matching blouse?” My brother smiled and replied, “Don’t forget, he is your FATHER!” Yes, he is always my ‘Baap’ (father) and I am daughter of my father in all sense.
It is a saying that, we can choose our relatives, friends but cannot choose our parents. That is the myth, I realized after coming to spiritual practice. Our soul decides what is to be experienced during the incarnation and chooses the couple to take birth from where can get those experiences. It means whatever experiences I had throughout my life are chosen by me. My father was chosen by me. What an amazing fact! Whatever negative qualities of a father narrated above might be the experiences chosen by their daughters.
There is always a negative side of a man but goodness always victorious over bad. Likewise though few fathers are villain (according to us or perceived by us) there are heroes too. That is why balance is maintained. A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she will judge all men and father will always be the person you look up to no matter how tall you grow.
- Pratibha conducts program/workshops on relationships. Name of her program is ‘BRIDGE THE GAP’ – Strengthen Your Relationship