Not to mention the study, sweat and intention that goes in for the preparation itself. Bringing ourselves to the point of taking the exam…is the toughest of all that precedes the exam.
Sitting in the cold room, an hour before the exam, as I dug further I realized, its not about how difficult was the subject or how much you could revise but more to do with the fact that you expose yourself to being judged. Judged by others. Judged by yourself.
It was evident that we all hold opinions not only about others but also about ourselves. A virtual IE-me ( Inteliigently Emotional) living inside me is a by-product of what others expect of me, what I expect of myself, what others think of me and what I think of myself. These four quadrants are the mutually exclusive and completely exhaustive foundations of the a seudo-me personality co-existing inside me. This IE version is time tested, fail-proof, malware protected and selectively upgradable at will.
This IE-me is the image we all want to live up to. Any such situation that brings us to the point where we are challenged to rethink about this inner-me, anything that proves this image has flaws or is an illusion, is a difficult situation!
Whether is bunjee-jumping, or running a marathon, taking a health check-up or accepting a challenge of climbing stairs. Most of us do not accept it openly at the moment but we do acknowledge it internally. The IE-me giving a sinister smile and saying “iss baar bach gaye!!”
On the contrary, our love for this facet we portray to the outside world is soo binding that we go to a self-harming level of maintaining it. Call me a Tee-totaler, and I will show you how much beer can I chugg. Call me a “Less-than-a-six-pack and I will burn myself out to establish I am one! Call me chubby and I go on crash diet to ensure you eat those words back!!!
Between these two extreme ends, where is it that you actually strike a balance? More than that, how do we rize above the situation itself and make ourself a gain-in-bargain?
This is the Tableau-moment. The moment of realization.
AND The key is to append our visualization of ourselves, the IE-SELF
What does it call for? Before discarding, table the thought of what you see as a challenge. A more careful glance uncovers it’s an area that has been lacking our attention. An opportunity that if grabbed can move us in the direction of strengthening our core further.
Agreeing to take a test has two parts to it : Belief and Learning!
Aerodynamically a bumble-bee is not designed to fly but she does not know it. She believes and she does.
Alternatively, when a child learns any activity, there is no concept of failures for him. It’s a benchmark borrowed into his life from adults in the family. For the child, its either a win or a learning. Learning to improve your attempt next time.
That’s the power of our beliefs and the endurance of learning. Affirming that I will atleast try, not as a challenge but as a learning is the minor amend that the IE-self requires.
Things just start getting easier from here!
World’s wisdom visionaries have all started from here and build on this seed further! Undertaking learnings for self improvement rather than proving a point to an external trigger.
30 mins before the exam, I sit there in the lone room looking at my screen. Jumbled thoughts running in my head. And, finally here comes out a winner! An ear to ear smile, a sparkling crease-free forehead, twilight returned in the eyes, firm jaw-line, an upheld neck with precisely pulled back shoulders. All had one message to deliver that the brain had just conveyed to them. “We are going to attempt and learn.”
The seudo-me and the wise-me were also in sync and a part of this “we” who just brought the hammer on the decision.
This was the Tableau-moment. We pulled our nerves together and had a final say…”Jo hoga dekh lenge!”
The exam had begun and the questions were glaring at my face with a wicked grin on theirs.
The multiple choice questions had left me all confused.
Has this ever happened with you? When you’re looking for a familiar solution and you don’t find one at all? All the options just seem to be wrong or confusing the situation further!!
Yes we have faced this situation in life too many a times. But yeah, I am just talking of the exam right now!!
And what do we end up doing?? Marking any random answer and praying to succeed? Understanding well we have a 25 percent probability of having a right answer out of the four choices presented!!
That’s how we miscalculated life too all this while. Thats what statistics taught me on Life’s learnings dashboard ! The combined probability of all 10 questions being right is 0.25 to the power 10, ie multiplying each answer into next answer’s probability. This now becomes a very very minute chance of success!! Dang it!!!
Inferencing from here I drew that our each decision has an multiplying effect on every subsequent decision that follows. A calm, deep and focused mind will be able to decipher between the choices, find the one closest to his expectations, if not the same and secure higher chances of success in the long run.
That’s what wisdom traditions meant when they said we are a product of the momentary-decisions we make. And statistics “Hence proved” it!!!
The exam ended. I was content with my approach and deep learnings. The belief that grew stronger in myself was shouting aloud now ” I AM PROUD OF YOU MY GIRL”.