Say what you need to say…
Gayatri looked through the glass pane, she saw Vikram playing with Dia, and both were deeply engrossed in solving the intricacies of a puzzle. Dia, her daughter, was that ray of sunshine that bounced off the sea waves, straight into her heart .She wondered why Vikram was taking so much interest in them, spending so much time with her. She hid herself behind the bookshelves least either of them would catch her spying on them. Today she had to put her mind to rest; it went in an overdrive wondering why Vikram was spending so much time with Dia. She had to know why he was spending his holidays with them instead of spending them with his extended family.
Gayatri ran this café cum library in the Thane; a city where she grew up. She had only Dia and her Baba to look up to. Gayatri‘s café cum library was her raison d’être. She had invested all her money and soul in this place.
“Dia, I think it’s time for your afternoon nap, ask Mavshi to put you to sleep”, said Gayatri in voice which was more stern than required. She was one mother who wanted to run her child’s schedule in clockwork precision.
“But ,Aai(mother) my puzzle is still unsolved”, protested Dia feebly , flashing her best smile .She knew that it was a lost cause once her Aai made up her mind ,there was no change in her decision…
“Dia, darling, don’t worry I will be still be here when you wake up “, said Vikram.
“Let us pick up the pieces of the puzzle, stash them away”, said Gayatri as she picked the pieces of the puzzle trying to put the spirals of her waist long hair in a loose bun at the nape of her neck.
“Wait, Gayu”, said Vikram, tucking her spirals behind, sending a tingling sensation down her spine.
“Did she hear right?” Vikram had called her Gayu. It was something he used to call her in their childhood along with the other children of the locality. She wondered why his touch gave rise to so many different kinds of sensations, emotions.
Years ago, Vikram had left suddenly without giving any explanations. Going abroad for studies was a never a part of his plan.
Seeing her puzzled expression he took her hand in his, and said, “I know you have lots of questions to ask some must be years old and some as fresh as a minute ago.”
“I know I have a lot of explanations to give, but Gayu, first things first will you and Dia accept me?”, “encircle me in your warmth”, added Vikram.
“I know this proposal comes too late but believe me there has been none other than you for me. I was completely heartbroken to know when I came back from that trip to my native village in Ratnagiri and discovered that you and Abhi were committed to each other when all the time I thought you and me shared something special. To escape the heartbreak I went away abroad for higher studies “.
“And I thought you wanted nothing to do with me due to our vast cultural and economic differences”, said Gayatri.
“When your mother sarcastically commented on our economic status at a social function I was shattered. My Aai wanted me committed as she was aware that she had a few days left ( Gayatri’s mother was suffering from a terminal disease) with her and when she saw how heartbroken I was when you left, she left me with no option but to give in to her demands and commit to Abhi on the rebound”, added Gayatri.
“You know Vikram all the men in my life have left me when I needed them the most”.
“Ohh “, said Vikram,”. “I was made to believe otherwise, I thought you were attracted to the more academically inclined Abhi “, he added.
I saw the e-Invite to your wedding on Facebook and that was the day I decided that I had to cut the cord off. I had to unfriend you on Facebook on a whim, only to regret it later when I found out the truth about your marital status from friends.
I could not resist the temptation of adding you on Instagram ,and that is when I saw all the lovely pictures you kept uploading of little Diya . Every like I made on your feed made me realize, how much I wanted to be with you guys. I decided to chuck my job in Singapore and came here to be with you guys.
“But Vikram do you know the truth about Abhi and me?” asked Gayatri.
Slowly Vikram put a hand on her mouth and rested her head on his chest, “I know everything, right from the fact, that he left you stranded on the day of the wedding and you have bought up Dia on your own, it is only now that I have gathered courage to come to you . And I promise you that this time I am here to stay “.
“Thank you for not leaving Vikram”, they were interrupted by Dia’s words as she entered the room tugging her teddy in one hand and rubbing her eyes with the other.
Life is never complicated; it’s straightforward and simple. It is WE who complicate it based on our insecurities, ego and perceptions…
Aren’t we all like Vikram from the story?
Vikram was afraid of the responses he would get from Gayatri:
- She would refuse upfront.
- She would say, “I thought we were only good friends?
He was afraid to tell her because he was not sure whether she felt the same way about him. Often in life we don’t approach people, express ourselves. We are afraid of being HURT & REJECTED by the other person. He was afraid that she would never be into him much as he was into her.
OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE
Often friends and family say that things will never work as you or the person is very much out of your league. It means that your status does not match either financially or intellectually. “You run in different circles”- It means either your background (family status) or ambitions (academically or career wise) don’t match. There are social disparities and differing priorities. The friends and family can be off the tangent, they can be simply wrong.You have to trust your instincts and go ahead.
If you love someone, if you are not sure whether the other person feels the same thing about you then the best piece of advice would be “Take a deep breath” and go tell that person. It’s a risk but when you take that risk something wonderful can come out of it and that would be far greater than the worries and the fears plaguing you.
And if it doesn’t work out the way you had hoped, well, you are no worse off than you were before, but at least now you can stop mulling over it “what if”? It is embarrassing if the feelings aren’t mutual, but it’s not the end of the world, you have to pick up the threads of your life and move on. Often it’s worth taking the risk to say it out as it could lead to something amazing.
If only Vikram would have expressed himself earlier and not lived under the shadows of his ‘buts’ and ‘ifs’ , he would definitely not have lost so many precious years in agony, pining for his Gayatri.
I remember the lovely lines of John Mayer’s song “Say what you need to say “and you will never end up regretting what you never said in the long run.