FOCKER-Fellowship of Corruption, Kickbacks and Entrepreneurial Robbery

FOCKER-Fellowship of Corruption, Kickbacks and Entrepreneurial Robbery

FOCKER-Fellowship of Corruption, Kickbacks and Entrepreneurial Robbery
Wipe out corruption and bribery
The internet server that supported our school admission process had crashed for the third time this week. And the queue for enrollment forms had never been this long, breaking previous record of one kilometer. Not everyone is tech savvy and some who were had still sent dummies to stand in the queue. To get a seat into one of the most sought-after courses was not easy, to say the least. We had started this unique curriculum that no University or college or coaching classes offered and it has become the toast of the country in last three years. Our students had directly started in senior positions and were steadily climbing in whichever field they chose.
 OUR COURSE CONTENT
‘What’s this course’ I guess you might wonder. It’s called ‘Fellowship of Corruption, Kickbacks and Entrepreneurial Robbery’ or FOCKER for short. Our students had proudly coined several catchphrases such as ‘Proud to be a Focker’, ‘Go Focker, grow Focker’ and our motto – ‘once a Focker, forever an F….’ you get the gist right?
What got us started was a 2015 report by an international agency that tracks world corruption, which said India has improved its ranks and jumped up 10 spots by becoming more transparent and less corrupt. Such a shameful decline in corruption levels was just not acceptable. People’s opinion had also started to change and they were beginning to accept a non-corrupt style of operating in daily life. The nail in the coffin was when young college going kids could no longer explain what Black money is. Such deterioration can’t be taken lying down and we initiated our first class as a sign of protest, purely as a not for profit venture.
We rolled up our sleeves to teach entry-level stuff – greed is the root cause of richness, corruption should be first nature, always believe in taking what’s lawfully others for free, people who are always truthful rarely own their private jet and so on. Not surprisingly we had simpletons in our batches who didn’t know what is greasing, whom to bribe and how, and critical concepts like how to accept and ask favors because it’s a ‘favor begets favor’ world.
The Entrepreneurial Robbery part, we knew would be a rage. Everyone wants to rob someone else who has what they would like to own. The focus and amount of effort you put in robbing is inversely proportional to the value of the ransack. Yes, this principle left most students dumbstruck and that’s what they were, dumb and struck. The more effort and planning one does, the more obvious it is that you are out to get their money out gold or whatever it is you want. The corollary and sub-theories for this subject could fill volumes but suffice at this stage that not too many people passed this subject. It was an art from the heart and not some mundane skill to thrill.
 OUR STUDENTS
Corruption and bribing and all forms of misuse of power were required for the progress of Nations. We can’t suddenly turn our back to virtues that ensured smooth and fast completion of huge projects, albeit at higher costs to the exchequer – but does this exchequer even care for costs? Right from getting that coveted business to making huge money to running for elections to anything that involves big money or power, requires skillful corruption. We are merely ensuring that the best of the breed is created via training in our school. Why we even have a few foreigners who started enrolling via NRI and foreign students quota.
Let’s make sure we are the best at something, let’s spread the corrupt and deceitful wings of all future generations to soar high and grab this world for ourselves – by hook or by crook. Remember nothing good ever ‘comes’ from goodness – people only take advantage. Little wonder then that our institute is where the lengthy queue is and the clamoring and corrupt practices being used to get in, is unbelievably good.
Finally, the server issues seem sorted so that’s the end of my soliloquy on how we started…Back to the grind for corrupting innocents!
Catch them young and make them ready for the corruption ‘Jung’.
Note – the author is a firm believer that honesty and sincere hard work is the best form of progress and does not recommend anyone to enroll in the above-mentioned school 🙂
Amit Shah
Amit Shah

Amit Shah is a finance professional working across technology and banking industries. He occasionally pens articles as writing has been a hobby since early days.

18 Comments

Aparna
Aparna Posted on9:13 am - Mar 22, 2018

A satirical take on corruption which hits you in the face.

B S Ranganath Posted on9:40 am - Mar 22, 2018

Great, Amit.

There’s no way to penetrate the hard skin, if one doesn’t explain a concept like what you did.

Keep it up!

Rajat
Rajat Posted on4:21 pm - Mar 22, 2018

A FOCKER of an article! Awesome!!:-)

IPS Khurana Posted on7:08 am - Mar 23, 2018

Agree…Good One Amit !

Lalit Posted on7:20 am - Mar 23, 2018

Fockingly fockerful insights into the principles of the course, especially the theory of “inversely proportionality” 🙂
Keep them coming, buddy!!

Vijaya Posted on7:59 am - Mar 23, 2018

Awesome article…..very well put….looking forward for more…!!???

Ritu Piyush Garg
Ritu Piyush Garg Posted on8:20 am - Mar 23, 2018

What a satire!
I love the beginning
“ which tense it this?” One day our country will be corruption -free.
Also, it clearly brings out how corruption is so deeply entrenched in our systems
Very welll writing!!

Vijaya Posted on9:44 am - Mar 23, 2018

Awesome article….???very well put…
Looking for more…..!!

Sujatha Posted on10:27 am - Mar 23, 2018

Ooooh! That’s a wry, almost cynical, take on the status that be. What prompted it? 🙂

But allegations of cynicism aside, one can’t but accept that there’s more than a modicum of truth to it. :/

Keep writing, Amit. Didn’t know this side of you before. Keep it coming. 🙂

ramesh Posted on1:31 pm - Mar 23, 2018

badhiya ! reminds me of some old jaspal bhatti style episodes… u shud write more often !

Ashish Ponda Posted on2:40 pm - Mar 23, 2018

Superb take Amit on a Focked up system

Vidhya Upadhyay Posted on4:23 pm - Mar 23, 2018

wonderfully worded ????Amit Shah

Rohan Menezes Posted on3:56 am - Mar 24, 2018

Nice Take on A World that needs instant gratification by hook or by crook! Keep it coming Amit

Pratishta Shah Posted on4:58 am - Mar 24, 2018

Awesome write up.. Sattire at its best.. You should write often..

Amit Shah
Amit Shah Posted on5:21 am - Mar 24, 2018

Hi friends..Thank you so much for the appreciation and encouragement. Look forward to sharing some more mildly tickling, yet thought provoking satire 😉

Sunita Dujari Posted on4:50 pm - Apr 5, 2018

Caricature of the ‘system’ we are a part of….

Power packed, edgy, compact typesetting….

Amitsa, Thumbs up ??

Sachin Posted on6:36 pm - Apr 6, 2018

Favour begets favour……didn’t you and I both attend that class together….well done @AmitShah.

    Amit Shah
    Amit Shah Posted on3:12 pm - Apr 7, 2018

    Thanks Sachin. Indeed an interesting class 😉

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: