A Clumsy Pause

A Clumsy Pause

A Clumsy Pause

For long she kept spinning inside her own head, wanting to throw up all that was cluttered in it. She kept screaming for someone to hear her, and come to her rescue until she learned to accept that silence was all she was destined for.

She spoke to everyone who came to see her but felt numb to the touch of her relatives and friends. She would talk to them & they would remain silent without uttering a word. Her pain, her trauma, her anguish, everything she expressed would all bounce in front of her eyes like a rubber ball, which she wished to fling hard & never find it again.

Days passed by and she grew tired of laying still without answers to her questions. She decided to walk out of her own life, and get rid of the burden her soul carried, by setting out on a new journey, & finding a new meaning to life.

She woke up and flew out of her room like thin air vanishing through the cracks in the wall. She floated above the land like a bird and took a view of everything around her. So much had changed, ever since the incident. She realized life had moved on.

For the first time in the last three months, she realized how meaningless it was for her to brood over memories of people who did not even care about her, laying still within the four walls and the limited roof of her room.

She paused for a minute and felt extremely light and bright. She began to walk and found an amazing pathway, she had never walked on before. It felt like a place that did not belong to the earth. She experienced an infinity of feeling nothing. The nothingness felt absolutely wholesome.

As she headed further, she ventured into a dark abyss, where she walked for a long time listening to a voice that guided her footsteps. The voice helped her realize the beauty of an awareness that needed no eyes to see.

Just when her eyes got adjusted to the darkness, she stepped into glaring brightness, that stormed her eyes with light. She felt like someone was pouring the light on her. The light was filled with unexplainable love. She grew eager to see the light taking some form, but realized the form was an infinite ocean of light.

It was now evident, the voice that guided her through the darkness came from this bright source of light. She had stepped into the realm of Bliss. She wished she could remain engulfed in this light and never move out from there.

She swayed in the ocean of light, like a swan in clear waters. All of a sudden, her feet beneath felt the soft blades of the grass soaked in dew. Her eyes witnessed a fairyland. There were flowers that wore beautiful colors she had never witnessed before. There were heavenly creatures playing around, and waterfalls that looked like glittering crystal. She was amazed at where the brightness of love had brought her to. Her experiences were only getting better than before at every stage.

She walked around the garden, in a magical atmosphere. Her existence had no worries of the past, and idea about the future. All that existed, was NOW.


At a certain distance, she heard some happy voices. She walked in the direction of the voices. There were little children draped in serene white robes playing by the pond. Their eyes looked kind and loving. She had never seen little ones like them ever before. They had an aura of bright light that surrounded them. She approached them as they smiled at her. Getting close to them felt like a miniature experience of the brightness she had experienced a while before reaching the garden.

The little ones took her by the hand and sat her down beside them. Their smile was something she could not take her eyes off from. They were watching the fishes in the pond play. The whole place seemed mystical.

In a blink, one little girl among the children gestured her to walk with her. They stood up and started walking while the rest followed them. At a short distance, she saw a few people, walking around and greeting each other.

As she walked closer to them, she heard someone call out her name. The voice said, Larisa, welcome! She adjusted her sight and saw her husband in front of her. He looked calm and pleasant. The happiness on his face was unlike the worldly appearance. There was a detachment she sensed in his voice that felt beautiful, and she reciprocated in the same way.

Leander, she said. You look so unharmed despite the tragic incident, and hail and healthy she exclaimed! Leander then told her, that he had left earth three months ago, on the spot of the accident. He then brought to her awareness her state of existence. She then realized that the journey she set out on, was that of her soul and that her body lay still behind on earth. Leander held her hand and asked her to look behind. All that had happened to her on earth played in front of her eyes like a motion picture.

She saw a few people carrying her on a stretcher inside her house. There were voices that said, oh what a pity it is, that her little child will have to wait until she regains consciousness. She saw 4-year-old Mirah, standing by her bedside, and shaking her to wake up, and a while later she saw her sister take away Mirah to her place, so she could be taken care of.

Larisa saw her family carrying a coffin for burial with Leander in it. She saw the accident and all the events that followed it.

Larisa saw the surgery the doctors performed on her face. She understood that it was too late by the time her unconscious state awakened. She realized then, that on the day she left her room, it was not in her body, but as a soul that she stepped out. The pain, the anguish, and everything she kept expressing all the while were the experiences of her unconscious mind and not her physical state.

Larisa saw herself asking every relative and friend who visited her, about Leander and her daughter. It was clear to her why no one answered, and why she felt numb whenever she held their hand.

She turns back to Leander and expresses how terrible she felt about the way she thought of him, and everyone else who showed their concern to her.

Leander then proposed his wish, that she got back to earth to their daughter, and made sure to complete her duties as a mother, and a human being on earth until her time of death arrived.

As they spoke, she felt a loving hand on her shoulder, that wanted her to turn around and see. She was delighted to see the bright light in front of her, which said, you now have overcome the pain and anguish as a soul, and are prepared to meet life ignoring the illusions of emotions. It is only lucky of you, to experience this state. You are one among the chosen ones to relive the realm of this world (Heaven) on earth.

Larisa with all the blessings bestowed on her promised to leave for the earth.

She walked back through the Fairyland, The Ocean of Brightness, The Dark Abyss, The Unknown Land, and slowly landed on earth on the same point where she had started off. With the entire journey deep rooted in her memory bank, she walked towards her home and entered her room like the thin air that gets through the cracks in the walls.

She looked at her body on the bed surrounded by her daughter Mirah crying incessantly, and her grieving family. On the side of her bed, she saw Betty her mighty cat sitting unusually quiet.

Everyone’s attention inside the room gets drawn to Betty’s purr. The only soul that saw Larisa’s soul and expressed happiness and gratitude. Larisa exchanged a divine smile with Betty. She walked towards the cat and pampered it. The people inside the room experienced the cat’s emotion of happiness and looked puzzled.

Larisa walked towards her body, looked at herself. The cuts and bruises on her face made her feel a little scared to enter into her body again. She looked at the doctor, who was on the verge of declaring her dead. She remembered the conversation she had with all whom she met in Heaven. The strength of her soul, helped her realize, that with faith all her physical wounds would heal soon and that she would be able to bear and withstand the pain till such time.

Larisa entered her body and felt vulnerable in her state. The doctor testing her, miraculously felt her pulse and declared that she was alive and had gained consciousness.


She opened her bleary eyes when the cat, all seven pounds of squirming flesh, climbed onto her belly. Squinting into the sunlight streaming in from the open window, she discovered that she was now the weary possessor of a pounding headache, and at some point, had managed to lose both a tooth and a spouse.


Written By

Deepthi Musley

(NLP Coach, Trainer, Content Developer, Lyricist, Writer)

Deepthi Musley
Deepthi Musley

Deepthi Musley is an NLP practitioner/Coach/Trainer/Blogger/Author/Lyricist

1 comment so far

Nandini Rao Posted on10:27 am - Feb 5, 2019

Not a clumsy pause but a revealing and enriching pause! Vivid description and a universal appeal to all readers.

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